Some kind of regularity

Really can't believe that immediately following my blog post about needing to kickstart my blogging (and let's face it, thinking) habits, it's been almost a month since I've written anything. It's far, far too easy to just shrug off the responsibility of actually doing anything; of actually working towards something with determination and not just doing the minimum. It's nice to think that all of this can amount to more than just staving off boredom a little until death. I realise that this cycle of periodic motivation followed by failure to follow through and self-recrimination serves no-one any good. I am also starting to feel that the modified cycle of motivation, self-recrimination, and a subsequent analysis of the recrimination that results in telling myself to maybe not be so harsh on myself please is also becoming a bad habit.

Regardless, I have been feeling generally more positive in the last couple of weeks; perhaps surprisingly so, given some turbulence in terms of my personal life. Feeling more enthusiastic about things and eager to learn and experience and so on. Little progress on the Pitchfork list, but have been re-organising my iTunes and listening to more music, as well as setting up a weekly top artists last.fm link on my twitter, something I have long meant to do. I realise that sounds like a pathetically small achievement, but it's the little things. Have also rekindled my Grateful Dead enthusiasm, which was entirely unexpected. There's always some inertia, and it takes a while to get the ball rolling completely satisfactorily, but any progress is good. Depression is a terrible thing to escape from, and its arms continually reach out to pull you back. Music-wise, getting into listening more frequently/habitually (but attentively) will be satisfactory, and get some listening done on the backlog before the inevitable end-of-year lists send me off in search off a different set of unheard albums. Also been picking up the guitar more, recently: also good. I know my targets and hopes and it's still difficult to properly write them up here. Fears of disappointment and a general self-doubt. This is something, though. Something is not nothing.